I Want To Fall Asleep With Waves All Night Long

I was always anxious one month ago, as I did not sleep well all the time. I always think too much before I went to bed. Someone said the reason we stay up late is that we did not do anything in the daytime, we think sleeping is the wasting of time so we are so afraid to fall asleep.

I was so busy with my works, even though it looks relaxed, I did not have too many tasks and I could have plenty of extra time. It was comfortable to WFH as I slept half an hour more and cooked for lunch. However, I usually refused to get up and had a bad condition as I thought I was not ready for work. So here is the bad side of WFH, if I can not distinguish the working area, sleeping area, and living area my life would be a mess. This became a paradox for me, how can a new employee like me have the place for all these areas.

On the other hand, this may not be the problem of WFH, neither my home problem, it was me, I could not suffer to stay at a small place all day long. So I was visiting my friends every Friday, even though I needed to wake up early and work on Saturday. We just hang out but I found it can not solve my core problem, the only thing I enjoyed is we can order take-out together so we can separate the expensive delivery fee, my frequency of ordering take-out is half a year once or even once a year.

I think I am working all day long and even before bedtime I was thinking deeply about all the decisions I made in my life. I suppose I never thought deeply before, this thinking experience which lasts two years from my graduation to last month could be an experience I never had before.

People usually think I am optimistic, the key reason for being optimistic is Think-less.

However, because of the pandemic, I do not see people often, I started to thinking of myself all the time, so this thinking experience started.

I believe this experience truly ended in the middle of March as I ended one of my jobs so now I have two-day day-offs, also at the same time I re-started to watch TV shows. It is interesting to talk about the power of TV shows, like the ones I watched, there were a lot of discussion on the internet, I could say my life was full of joy at that time, also, the ones I watched would release the new episodes every week. I never thought how patiently I could wait for the new releases, and I never know here is the power of the weekly releasing, watching TV show become one of my schedule which I believe make my life more organized.

I always stayed up late and worried about what time I needed to get up the next morning. I always thought I had a bad sleeping condition. There are a lot of ASMR and sleep-helping audios, I also tried pills and lavenders. Interestingly, I think too much about my sleep. One of the famous Chinese-American singer Wang Leehom, you may know him, shared his sleep-helping method on his social media, it is funny as people think his account is hacked. But the sleeping issue is bothering everyone, so I did a sleep test from an app for one night, I can not believe my score is good. So after that, I just gave up trying hard to sleep, I just stopped thinking too much. I can say all things changed would be the cure for my condition.

Among all white noise audios, my favorite is the ocean waves, even though I prefer extremely quiet when I sleep and the sleep-helping audio is not helping though. But I love this sound, this sound would make me calm, even now I am only thinking of this sound, I know I can end here peacefully.

Thank you for reading my blog and hope you sleep well tonight 🌠

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Author: Anfy

Dream(ak)er. Graduate of the University of Toronto. Studied Architecture, Visual Arts, and Art History. Freelance fashion model, video maker/ social media manager, UX/UI designer. Being expressive makes me alive, being creative makes me curious.

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