Some Ideas of Being Myself

I have some thoughts about the relationship during these months. 

Do not be a people pleaser.

I am a person good at chatting. I can always start a new topic or keep the conversation going. So people usually think I am a nice person. Here is something we need to clarify. Most of the time, if we feel that it is too pleasant to talk with you, it is likely that one of us is not caring for him or herself, and it is difficult for two people who have subjective views to talk with each other happily. He may be collecting information, focusing on the service, or trying to keep the conversation going. This means nobody likes the one who always talks about him or herself. So I was hoping you’d like me so I could keep a good conversion, but in reality, I am not offering my own opinions and I’m a people pleaser. I felt guilty after realizing I didn’t want to be friends with the person but still needed to be nice to him/her. This feeling truly crushed me and made me feel lost. I need to be more “me” and give up being a 100% people-pleaser.

Have the ability to love others.

I think I may have been selfish sometimes. I do not want to make bonds with others. However, I am usually surrounded by people who love me, and I think I need to pay them back. I read my astrological aspect, and it asks me to learn how to love others. I think the way we show our love to others is also the way we express our emotions and fulfill our own needs. So it is not simply about giving and receiving; everything has a two-way. So do not be afraid to receive the love of others and express your own love.

The bond of intimacy

Intimacy makes two people bond so strongly. We will be happy if the other one is happy, such as if he/she gets enough sleep. This is why attachment and emotion make people powerful. We may realize those good things don’t always happen to us, but that what happens to the things we like will be projected onto ourselves.

Three types of attachment style

When we are seeking a relationship, it is not about asking for the “one”, but for the thing to fulfill our feelings. So here is the way I use to identify the 3 unsecured types:

Avoidant (aka dismissive, or anxious-avoidant in children): Everyone is bad, including me. Life is not worth it. This type wants to be alone all the time.

“Why did he/she send me another message?”

Anxious (aka preoccupied, or anxious-ambivalent in children): I am a bad child, and others are so good. Is it that I am so bad that no one likes me?

“If he/she is not responding to my message, does that mean he/she does not like me anymore?”

Disorganized (in children, fearful-avoidant): The combination of Avoidant and Anxious

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Yanfei 

Author: Anfy

Dream(ak)er. Graduate of the University of Toronto. Studied Architecture, Visual Arts, and Art History. Freelance fashion model, video maker/ social media manager, UX/UI designer. Being expressive makes me alive, being creative makes me curious.

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