A few years ago, some of my students asked me to write recommendation letters for their architecture graduate school applications.
As their instructor, I’d seen their progress (or lack thereof) over the semesters, putting me in a unique—sometimes uncomfortable—position when deciding how to write the letters.
These requests also brought back an old memory from my own university application days.
The twist? My story involves a grudge. One that ended up being the most productive grudge of my life—and, in a way, it kickstarted my architecture career.
Years ago, a family friend casually commented while I was deep in the process of applying to architecture schools.
As I polished my portfolio for programs in Ontario, he dropped a suggestion, “You should consider applying to a well-known school in the U.S., but… you probably won’t get in.”
It wasn’t the suggestion that bothered me—it was the “you won’t get in” that did. And then, to make things worse, he added, “You should be sensible about your choices.”
I was furious. My initial reaction involved some internal name-calling, followed by a decision: I was going to apply to that school—Cornell University.
Fueled by anger and determination, I filled out the application with one thought in my head: “I’ll show you.” And I did—I got accepted. That acceptance set me on the path that became my architecture career.
Looking back, I sometimes wonder if I would have applied at all without his dismissive comments. Maybe I would have taken the “sensible” route, avoiding the risk of rejection.
Holding a grudge isn’t exactly a career strategy, but sometimes that fire can push you out of your comfort zone.
Whenever doubt creeps in—whether from others or from within—I remind myself of that moment. It’s a weird motivation, but it works.
I recently shared this story with ULI Toronto, an organization for real estate and land development professionals.
Final Words
And when I write recommendation letters for students, I try to remember: not every student who didn’t ace my class is incapable of great things. After all, sometimes doubt, even in the form of a grudge, can be the push they need.
Life Outside of Design Studio 