A colleague of mine sent me a long email introducing one of my co-workers she knows.
The subject line was simply “hello” but just skimming it, I knew this would take some time to digest. So at the end of my workday, I finally sat down to read it properly and realized it was an introduction to someone who wanted to connect with me.
The person was interested in talking about combining architecture practice and teaching – exactly what I do. My colleague had taken the time to write this thoughtful, detailed bridge between us.
I had two immediate thoughts: First, why didn’t this person just reach out to me directly? And second, I wish all my contacts were as generous and thoughtful as my colleague making this introduction.
I’ve always been the type to cut straight to the chase- emails that read like telegrams, responses that leave no room for interpretations, and also the love of bullet points over rich, descriptive sentences. Friends have gently suggested my approach can come across as “mean” (their word, not mine).
But seeing my colleague’s different approach made me pause. I discovered that it is sometimes the indirect path – though seemingly less efficient – might actually be more effective for creating meaningful connections.
Forget everything you’ve been told about networking
Nearly every networking article tells you the same things: perfect your elevator pitch, work the room, collect business cards (linked in contacts in today’s world), follow up within 24 hours. I’ve done all of this. I’ve “worked” rooms, with nothing to show except a stack of cards from people I barely remember.
What if most conventional networking advice is actually counterproductive?
When everyone at an event is trying to “work the room,” what you get is a room full of people half-listening while scanning for someone more important to talk to. Nobody is present. Nobody is connecting. Everyone’s practicing the same routine and it’s a routine with very few winners.
The most meaningful professional connections in my life have happened when I wasn’t “networking” at all. They came from genuine conversations where I was fully present, not strategizing my next move.
Be in the physical space together
Let’s be clear – this indirect approach doesn’t work in Zoom meetings. No amount of perfect lighting or background adjustments can replace what happens in person.
The indirect approach needs physical presence. Those first impressions, the eye contact, the feeling of ease (or unease) that comes from being in the same room – these are the building blocks of genuine connection.
I’ve noticed that online, we’re just exchanging information. In person, we’re building something more mysterious and valuable.
The subtle shifts in posture, the nods that happen before words form – these aren’t extras, they’re the foundation.
Maybe our obsession with efficiency has made us forget the value of simply being in the same space until connection naturally happens.
Say hello to old friends
At every event, I find myself looking for familiar faces first. I used to think this was a weakness – not pushing myself to meet new people.
Now I see it differently.
Talking to someone I already know creates this comfort level that actually attracts others. The conversation flows naturally, nothing feels forced, and then – almost magically – others join in.
It’s like these existing connections aren’t endpoints but doorways to new people. When I’m relaxed with someone I know, introductions happen without the awkward “ums” and “ahs” I usually repeat in networking situations.
So maybe starting with the familiar isn’t social laziness – it’s actually a smarter path to meeting new people.
Leave space for serendipity
I’ve been to more networking events than I care to count, and most conversations feel awkward and forced. But I can remember a handful of connections that felt easy and natural from the start.
These meaningful connections never came from my careful planning but emerged unexpectedly – a shared observation, a genuine laugh, a moment of honesty amid the professional posturing.
You can’t force these moments, but you can put yourself where they’re more likely to happen. Sometimes that’s by the food table where people are more relaxed. Sometimes it’s arriving early before everyone’s already grouped up.
The paradox I’m learning to accept is that while we can’t plan serendipity, we can intentionally create the conditions for it to occur.
The only thing you can control is placing yourself in serendipity’s path. The rest isn’t up to you.
Final Thoughts
As someone who’s lived by the direct approach, watching others connect in this more nuanced way has made me rethink things.
What I’m taking away from this experience is that effectiveness in networking might look different than efficiency.
My direct style feels efficient – quick emails, clear requests, no time wasted. But my colleague’s indirect approach might actually be more effective at creating lasting, meaningful connections.
Maybe the best networking strategy is to stop networking altogether – to stop treating people as potential resources and start treating them as, well, people. To be genuinely curious, fully present, and willing to let connections develop at their own pace.
Should I start writing emails like my colleague – kind, thoughtful, descriptive… but also very long?
Maybe not 🙂
But I might leave more room for the indirect, the unplanned, the connections that form when I’m not trying to form them.
What’s your approach to meeting new people? Are you direct or do you prefer the scenic route?
Life Outside of Design Studio 